by Kristen Narara
I usually look forward to Mother’s Day and anticipate the handmade gifts and sweet cuddles I will receive from my son. But this Mother’s Day, along with many other women around the world, I anticipate tears and moments of bittersweet reflection.
We lost our second child recently. My son and I were staying with family overseas when I started to bleed heavily. I thought I was seven weeks into my pregnancy, but it turns out that our baby didn’t grow beyond five weeks. I have been raw with sorrow, fear, disappointment, and grief, forced to part with the vision and hope of a life with our child that will not be. I didn’t get to hold that precious person and tell them how much I genuinely love them and want to know them.
I’m astonished to see firsthand that because of the Fall, this life is so temporary. I weep over the fact that while we were joyfully telling our families our good news, we had no idea that our little one had already left us. I’m also astonished at how common my story is. Almost every woman with whom I have shared my story has had a similar one to tell. This is a “club” I never anticipated or desired to join, yet God in his sovereignty has connected me with these mothers as we share in the grief over our lost children.
In my grief, I have desperately clung to the truths in God’s word. Namely, that God is still good, Jesus is still on his throne, and I am still loved. Over the past week or so, I have found myself telling this to everyone who asked me how I’ve been doing. I have to believe this truth. I must cling to it. And by God’s grace, he is giving me his understanding-surpassing peace to guard my heart and mind (Phil. 4:7).
I recall a sermon by Tim Keller during The Gospel Coalition’s national conference on Luke’s account of the resurrection of Christ and the hope we have for our future because of this incredible display of God’s power. Because of the resurrection, our little one is not just a cluster of cells that has died and disappeared. As this child was intentionally and skilfully knit by God in my womb, so they are intentionally and wonderfully known and loved. Our little one is alive in his presence and will one day be resurrected, restored and perfectly complete – not in a pithy, sentimental way – but in the same way that Christ was completely restored to life after his own death. And in the same way that I, too, will be raised to eternal life forever on that Glorious Day.
Because of the resurrection, death has not won. Christ has conquered the grave and sin’s evil reign on earth will come to an end.
Because of the resurrection, I can have hope that God can use even miscarriage for his glory and for our good.
Because of the resurrection, Jesus is most assuredly the greatest treasure I could ever have. I know it will be thrilling to be reunited with our child, but the joy of being in Jesus’ presence is a radiant glory that outweighs and outshines even the massive sun.
This is the truth I will cling to, as I plead with God to be my joy, even in my sorrow – even on Mother’s Day.
ABOUT THE WRITER
Kristen was born in Papua New Guinea and grew up in Australia. Kristen is a member of ECC Off-Island Church in Abu Dhabi along with her husband, Nigel (aka Captain Nigel), who is an airline pilot. She is the mother of two children, one of whom is in the presence of the Lord. Kristen is well known for her outstanding baking skills and hospitality, and can turn any stranger into her friend for life.