Treasuring God After My Miscarriage

May 10, 2013 · 15 comments

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by Kristen Narara

I usually look forward to Mother’s Day and anticipate the handmade gifts and sweet cuddles I will receive from my son. But this Mother’s Day, along with many other women around the world, I anticipate tears and moments of bittersweet reflection.

We lost our second child recently. My son and I were staying with family overseas when I started to bleed heavily. I thought I was seven weeks into my pregnancy, but it turns out that our baby didn’t grow beyond five weeks. I have been raw with sorrow, fear, disappointment, and grief, forced to part with the vision and hope of a life with our child that will not be. I didn’t get to hold that precious person and tell them how much I genuinely love them and want to know them.

I’m astonished to see firsthand that because of the Fall, this life is so temporary. I weep over the fact that while we were joyfully telling our families our good news, we had no idea that our little one had already left us. I’m also astonished at how common my story is. Almost every woman with whom I have shared my story has had a similar one to tell. This is a “club” I never anticipated or desired to join, yet God in his sovereignty has connected me with these mothers as we share in the grief over our lost children.

In my grief, I have desperately clung to the truths in God’s word. Namely, that God is still good, Jesus is still on his throne, and I am still loved. Over the past week or so, I have found myself telling this to everyone who asked me how I’ve been doing. I have to believe this truth. I must cling to it. And by God’s grace, he is giving me his understanding-surpassing peace to guard my heart and mind (Phil. 4:7).

I recall a sermon by Tim Keller during The Gospel Coalition’s national conference on Luke’s account of the resurrection of Christ and the hope we have for our future because of this incredible display of God’s power. Because of the resurrection, our little one is not just a cluster of cells that has died and disappeared. As this child was intentionally and skilfully knit by God in my womb, so they are intentionally and wonderfully known and loved. Our little one is alive in his presence and will one day be resurrected, restored and perfectly complete – not in a pithy, sentimental way – but in the same way that Christ was completely restored to life after his own death. And in the same way that I, too, will be raised to eternal life forever on that Glorious Day.

Because of the resurrection, death has not won. Christ has conquered the grave and sin’s evil reign on earth will come to an end.

Because of the resurrection, I can have hope that God can use even miscarriage for his glory and for our good.

Because of the resurrection, Jesus is most assuredly the greatest treasure I could ever have. I know it will be thrilling to be reunited with our child, but the joy of being in Jesus’ presence is a radiant glory that outweighs and outshines even the massive sun.

This is the truth I will cling to, as I plead with God to be my joy, even in my sorrow – even on Mother’s Day.


ABOUT THE WRITER
Kristen was born in Papua New Guinea and grew up in Australia. Kristen is a member of ECC Off-Island Church in Abu Dhabi along with her husband, Nigel (aka Captain Nigel), who is an airline pilot. She is the mother of two children, one of whom is in the presence of the Lord. Kristen is well known for her outstanding baking skills and hospitality, and can turn any stranger into her friend for life.

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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

1 prasti May 10, 2013 at 5:47 pm

i’m so sorry for your loss. thank you for this encouraging post and for sharing your experience. we lost our second child 5 years ago, and understand the grief. there are still moments when i think about my little babe, but thankful for the hope we have in Christ.

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2 Jen May 10, 2013 at 6:56 pm

I am so sorry for your loss. Please know you and your family will be in my prayers!!!

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3 Bethany B. May 11, 2013 at 12:29 am

((((((HUGS))))))! I am so sorry…I lost my second child at 6 weeks a year and a half ago. In fact, I have been thinking about that baby a ton recently…she will never be forgotten and is missed :) I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Praying God’s comfort and peace over you, this Mother’s Day especially.

Lamentations 3:21-23 (AMP)
“But this I recall and therefore have I hope and expectation: It is because of the Lord’s mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His [tender] compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness.”

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4 Tim May 11, 2013 at 2:05 am

Kristen, I am praying for you and your family right now.

We lost our first child in a miscarriage between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day 24 years ago. The emotions can still be raw sometimes. But as you say, we have Christ. He knows our hurts and his Spirit is our Comforter.

Blessings,
Tim

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5 Rachel Lundy May 11, 2013 at 4:22 am

I’m sorry for your loss. I know that grief of facing Mother’s Day right after facing a miscarriage. May the Lord comfort you during this time.

Thank you for this encouraging post!

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6 Aunty L May 11, 2013 at 4:39 pm

Hey KJ
Working where I do, I always see these events as God’s will. Always happens for a reason, although right now you probably don’t feel open to that. Know that we are always with u in spirit and love and that there is another little one out there for u. Keep being the strong and amazing mum that u r. Miss u and love u with all my heart. Xo

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7 Katie May 11, 2013 at 7:17 pm

What a blessing this post has been to me! I recently went through 2 back to back miscarriages. Here is a link to a note I wrote while going through it. I hope it may be an encouragement to you as yours was to me.
https://www.facebook.com/notes/katie-molloy/hes-not-safe-but-hes-good/10151150482105836

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8 Trillia May 11, 2013 at 8:25 pm

Hi Kristen,
I am so sorry for your loss. I remember us chatting at TGC and know this must be difficult. Sounds like you are clinging to your Hope! Praying for you!

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9 Katie Lyche May 12, 2013 at 4:08 am

Thank you for sharing your heart and telling your story. Praying you will find comfort in our good and gracious God. Love you and can’t wait to give you a big hug very soon.

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10 Dale Marks May 13, 2013 at 4:29 am

Our great team of song-writers just released a song/video today that speaks directly to this. I encourage anyone who has been affected by this loss (as we have been) to watch this video of comfort and healing. http://vimeo.com/64610028

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11 Elise May 15, 2013 at 12:34 am

Thank you for writing this article. Two years ago, I lost my second child to miscarriage after 13 weeks of pregnancy. It was a dark time for me and yet a time of clinging to God. At first it bothered me that I had prayed so consistently for the health of the baby and yet it did not survive. What good was it to pray, then? But over time, God taught me that trusting Him doesn’t mean trusting Him that everything will go smoothly. Ever since the Fall, death and pain have been present in this world. Part of trusting Him in that season of my life became trusting in the knowledge that He was walking through it all with me and choosing not to isolate myself but rather to draw near to Him. May He continue to comfort you during this difficult time.

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12 Elizabeth June 9, 2013 at 10:29 am

I am so sorry for your loss. I can relate to your experience. 8 months ago I went to my first appt at
10 & 1/2 weeks only to find that I has miscarried at 7 & 1/2 weeks. Furthermore, in our visit we learned I was carrying twins. To this day I am amazed at the incredible Peace my loving God filled me with during the days that followed. He truly is Jehovah Shalom, The Lord Our Peace. He reminded me that he is A Sovereign God & He is in control no matter what the circumstances may look like. As the day of what would have been my due date & the birth of my babies draws near, I choose to Trust God & His all consuming Love. May He continue to do the same for you. God Bless you.

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13 Rosie Swartz November 3, 2013 at 11:49 pm

I am the mother of seven beautiful children, three boys, and three that are currently in the presence of the Lord. I’m early in pregnancy with my seventh, and started to bleed today. My heart is broken right now. My husband is listless and doesn’t really know how to help me in this. Your post has been such a balm to my heart. I am dwelling on your words, “God is still good, Jesus is still on the throne, I am still loved…” It’s my mantra right now. My heart knows it and believes it, though it is tremendously hard to utter. Thank you for your honesty and your transparency. It’s much needed, especially for me in this moment.

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14 Kristen November 4, 2013 at 6:54 pm

Rosie, my heart is broken for you and I weep for you. I pray you would know that your Heavenly Father loves you dearly today, even if it doesn’t feel like it. I pray that he would graciously comfort you in the knowledge of who he is and that you would take comfort in the words of Jesus, “Behold, I am making all things new!” (Rev. 21:5). This is as true today as it was yesterday. All of this pain and suffering will one day be completely undone! He has not changed his character, nor his promises, nor his plans. I pray that you, your husband and your family would stand firm in the truth that God is indeed good, Jesus is indeed on his throne and that you are INDEED loved! Peace to you.

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